Sunday, January 9, 2011


Have you watched that tragic movie?
It's probably 20 years old or so by now.

I remember watching it when I wasn't even twenty-five and sobbing until I thought I'd be sick. I can't really imagine the impact it would have on me now, now that I'm 42 and not living up to the potential that is placed in me.....not really living life to it's fullest....choosing the coma on some days.

See, the gist of the movie is that there are some patients who suffered from encephalitis or something like that, and they've been living in a comatose state. The, the miracle drug arrives.

They awake.

They speak, see, feel , taste, engage.

They experience life, so joyfully, engage in it, express themselves.

Then ( spoiler alert. Hey. It's a 20 year old movie. Cut me some slack.) they start to slip back into their comatose state.

For all of the joy, the hope, the purposed doesn't really matter. Temporary at best.

Tragic. True story, too, based on a memoir by Oliver Sacks in the 70's.

Here's the kicker, though.

I'm not so different some of the time.

I live numb. Dull. Undisciplined and unpurposed. Catatonic to the purposes God has written in my DNA and called my heart to. I blunt my own passions and dull my own heart by accepting things that are less than.

Less than what I'm meant to be, less than what I dream of doing. This, too, is a true story. Based on a not yet written memoir by me.

Ephesians 5:14 (The Message)

11-16Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.

Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!

Yeah, man!

That's the cry of my heart this evening. I'm climbing out of my coffin and inviting everyone in my life to do the same. My husband. My kids. You, if you're so inclined.

These are desperate times. Let's make the most out of every chance we get, Christ will show us the light.

Switchfoot - Meant to live
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Sunday, January 2, 2011

Such Great Heights....

I love that song by the Postal Service.

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

Yeah, it's January. Time to set such lofty goals that I'm overwhelmed by all of my own aspirations. I'm not even gonna pretend that it's a new concept for me, or that I'm even very successful at the whole new beginnings and new lease on life stuff....


This time feels different.

This time, I'm old enough to know that change doesn't come easy and I don't expect it to. This time, I'm just ready for it. Change. Ready to embrace it with my flabby, forty something arms and hold on to it for all I'm worth.

I have lofty goals.

I want to be more like Jesus. Not because I'm supposed to. Just because I'd rather be like Him than anyone else. I long to be more like Him. More loving. More forgiving. More passionate. More God centered and purposed to live for the things that matter instead of being blindsided by the things that don't.

I want to be healthier. Spiritually, sure. But mentally, emotionally and physically, too. I really want to be the best me I can be. My momming and wifing is definitely affected by my lack of energy and I want that to change. Strike that. I *need* that to change.

I want to laugh more. Louder. Even if people look at me funny.

I want to live in the moment, with abandon. The moments are flying by. I don't want to miss out on my life while I'm waiting for it to happen.

so. I'm going to do some hard things this year, that will hopefully be less difficult when next year's "New Year, new goals, new outlook" post rolls around.

I'm going to move. Often. I want to become a runner. Scares me to put that in print because I am an awkward, limping runner at best right now. But, there it is.

I also want to revamp my cooking. I cook like a madwoman and take great pride in it...but my kitchen forays definitely need a facelift. 2011 will be the year of "Cooking Light". Yep. I'm going to pull out all of my issues of that trusty magazine and cook a year's worth of meals from it's illustrious pages. Think Julie and Julia without the butter, foie gras and hopefully with the opposite effect on my waistline. If I'm disciplined about it, I hope to chronicle that progression on these pages. We shall see.

Finally, I'm going to perfect the balancing act of self-discipline and grace for my mistakes. Well, I'm going to work on perfecting that artful balance. I want to be who I was created to be and not beat myself up in the process.

Happy New Year. Hope yours is off to a fantastic start. I've managed to keep all of my lofty goals for the 48 hours that it's been 2011.