Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Brittle vs. Hard

Oh how I need an abundance of grace!

For myself---what a wretched mess I am.

For others....have mercy, I am impatient when things don't go my way.

For the journey--God, I really didn't think this was how it was going to look.

A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace.
Tennessee Williams

Have you seen the Bill Murray movie "Groundhog's Day" ? While it isn't a favorite of mine, it definitely makes me think of my life and the manner in which I have to learn lessons. I feel like I am destined to repeat my flaws and mistakes like a broken loop on an old VHS tape sometimes!

Short-tempered, perfectionistic, critical, impatient, identity is tied up in my flaws and failures this morning. I am reminded that there is a better way.

I have a long way to go. Today, I'm stuck in about the third replaying...I'm wrestling with recognizing when I'm a jerk and moving on, instead of staking a tent in the land of shame, which I'm so prone to do.

I'm pondering where the brittleness comes from and recognizing what I've allowed to cause it. Back in my scientist days, I knew the difference between brittleness and hardness. Brittleness means a substance breaks easily under stress. Hardness is an indicator of how unyielding a substance is when force is applied.

My heart and my attitude have become brittle. Both are in need of Living Water in order to become resilient and pliable again. I'm in a drought spite of the many bible studies I'm participating in. When the earth is parched and cracked and a big rain comes, sometimes the water runs off instead of soaking into the ground. Ironically, we are in a season of relentless, soaking rain here in the valley. Everywhere you step you sink into soft earth. I need to soak my heart and mind, continuously, in the life-giving water of Truth to regain that soft, plowable ground that is moldable and shapeable without shattering.

I'm thankful for the lesson today-- that brittle doesn't equal hardened. I had forgotten. I'm thankful for grace, like rain, that will soften brittle places and allow more grace to grow.

As in nature, as in art, so in grace; it is rough treatment that gives souls, as well as stones, their luster.
Thomas Guthrie